A major key to success is modeling those that are getting the results you want in your life. It is so helpful to have someone that has been there and done that. By picking the brains of those with greater experiences and successes than us, we can gain a wealth of knowledge. This knowledge can help us cut our learning curve, reach success faster, and make fewer mistakes. We need to listen to those with experience and wisdom.
One thing I think most people long for is to live a life that, at the end, has few regrets. Wouldn’t it be helpful to know what are the most common regrets people have when dying so that we can spend extra time and effort on making sure we live today in a way that minimizes the chances that we will have those same regrets?
Fortunately, a palliative nurse named Bonnie Ware, who spent years caring for the dying, noted what most of them regretted. She teased out the most common regrets and listed them in her book, “The Top Five Regrets of The Dying.” I’d like to list those five most common regrets so you can ponder over them, see how they apply to your life as it is now, and possibly redirect certain areas of your life to avoid having these same regrets.
Regret #1: I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret. Looking back, many realized that they should have pursued their dreams. They realized that the choices they made, or did not make, led to unfulfilled dreams.
Regret #2: I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. Bonnie said that every male she cared for had this regret. Many felt that it interfered with time that could have been spent with their children and spouse, and wished they did not let work cause them to miss out on their children’s youth.
Regret #3: I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. They regretted keeping feelings in to keep the peace. Many wished they would have spoken up, rather than letting their silence lead to settling for a “mediocre existence.” According to Bonnie, “Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
Regret #4: I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. “There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.” They got so caught up in the business of their lives that they let great friendships slip away. The significance of these relationships was realized heavily in their last weeks.
Regret #5: I wish that I had let myself be happier. “Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.” Happiness is something that is within you, not something that you go out and find. And “deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.” Taking things too seriously was not worth it.
The reality is that we are all going to die. And we all know that nobody on their deathbed ever wishes they made more money, worked more hours, or built a bigger house. And we know that most people will regret things like those listed above. Yet, we continue to live our lives focusing on the things that don’t matter too much and ignoring the things have the most meaning and would bring us the most joy.
I think we wait because we all think that someday we will get to those things that really matter most. Well guess what? This is some day! Ask any older person, and they will tell you that time flies. You think that you are going to get through this chaos, rat race, and craziness and then get on with your life, but here’s the catch… all of that is your life. This is your life!
When we have a list of the top five regrets of those on their deathbed, we need to take note. Why wait until you are dying? And why wait until you can’t do anything about it? Reread that list above, and make an effort to make those wishes come true. Your life will be much fuller, richer, and more meaningful, and your last days will be full of peace rather than regret.
