Nobody likes to feel inadequate, unprepared, or scared. We’ve all had that knot-in-the-stomach feeling when we simply were not ready for what we were about to engage in. Maybe a test that we hadn’t studied enough for… a presentation that we hadn’t prepared properly for… or an athletic event that we knew we were outmatched in.
On the flip side of that, arrogance is an ugly characteristic. We’ve all been around someone that held their head a little too high, boasted too much, or acted like they were significantly superior to everyone else. It puts people off, erodes trust, and can put the arrogant person in compromising, even dangerous, positions.
It’s the sweet spot between these two areas that you want to shoot for. You want to be confident. The best leaders, friends, co-workers, parents, and doctors present with confidence. And it’s not just how a person carries themselves, as that can be just an act. It is how that person thinks that ultimately matters. It will help to start with a proper definition of confidence before grasping the deeper meaning behind this often overused, and mostly misunderstood, word.
I recently read a book by Dr. Nate Zinsser, titled The Confident Mind, and this is where I picked up the best definition (and a much better understanding) of the word confidence than I have ever read. He defines confidence as… “a sense of certainty about your ability which allows you to bypass your conscious thought and execute unconsciously.”
Think about that definition for a minute. Your confidence comes from being so skilled in something, or masterful with something, that you do it without having to really think about it. That means that you acquire confidence; you are not born with it. You develop it by logging time and repetition. You work hard enough, and long enough, at something that it becomes second nature, with you being able to perform, execute, or complete without having to consciously think about it.
Flying helicopters or airplanes makes for a good example. The safety of flight is incredible. One of the keys to the high rate of safety is that pilots train for emergencies over and over and over again. When I was training to get my helicopter license, I learned that there is one event you must be prepared to handle… if the engine fails. Unlike an airplane that can glide for a bit, a helicopter can fall out of the sky in seconds if the engine quits, unless immediate action is taken. If the engine quits, I would have 1.6 seconds to make a move that disengages the engine from the main rotor, allowing the main rotor to rotate freely, which slows the decent of the helicopter (this emergency decent is called an autorotation). Most people would think that pilots would be very scared to fly, and think that 1.6 seconds is unreasonably short to take a lifesaving action. But pilots fly with confidence. And they do so not by thinking that they can do it, or hoping things will go well if there is a problem, but by training for an engine out and practicing these autorotations hundreds of times. The confidence comes from knowing I will respond immediately and appropriately if that situation arises.
If you work hard, put enough time, energy, and effort in, and know you can be successful at something, you gain confidence. And this confidence allows you to focus on other actions and activities, as you don’t require conscious effort to perform the action that you have mastered. The best sales people have mastered their sales pitch by practicing and giving it over and over. This prevents them from having to think about facts, figures, and numbers, and frees up their attention and effort to engage in meaningful and honest conversation with the potential buyer.
The art of mastering a confident mind is fascinating, and for more detail and strategy I’d recommend Dr. Zinnser’s book. But the main point I’d like you to take away from this short blog is that confidence is something you develop and build. People who exude confidence do so through hard work, repetition, and purposeful action. You can become confident in any area you chose, but it starts by deciding where you want more confidence… then committing to building skills in that area. Over enough time, and with enough effort, you will become confident in that area. And with increased confidence comes increased success. And life is much more productive, fulfilling, and meaningful when you go through it with more confidence.