People strive to make a lot of money, maintain a fit and youthful appearance, earn powerful positions of employment, live in upscale neighborhoods, and drive fancy cars. A lot of energy, time, and effort is spent on status. There is an engrained belief in Americans that this is the pursuit of happiness. After all, if asked, most of us would say that the one thing we desire in life is to be truly happy.
Questions we might find ourselves asking are how big is your house, how fast is your car, how much money is in your bank account, how high up are you in the company, or how fit do you look in a bathing suit? If happiness is so fundamentally and deeply important to us, shouldn’t we be asking a much more pertinent question? Here’s a good one… Does that make you happy?
We spend a great deal of time chasing after things we know are unfulfilling and unable to fill us up.
One problem with money, status, houses, cars, and even food, is they appear to make us happy, but like a piece of Juicy Fruit gum (not sure they still make that), we get a burst of flavor that very quickly disappears. Like loading gum into our mouths, one piece after another, we jump from one superficial achievement after another, getting that burst of satisfaction and joy, but left very quickly to realize it wasn’t the answer we were looking for.
We all know people who seem generally happier than most… and we all know people who gravitate toward miserable no matter what their circumstances. It would seem as though humans may be born with a set point in terms of happiness, and that is just the way it is. I was not surprised years ago to find out that a percentage of our happiness is essentially set. I was excited to find out that it was only around 50%. How exciting to know that the other 50% of our happiness is under our control. With that 50% that is not set, 10% comes from our circumstances. So yes, the cars we drive, the neighborhood we live in, and the amount of money we have does affect our happiness, but only 10%. I was fascinated to find out that 40% of happiness is not only within our control, but can be elevated by doing intentional activity.
Sonja Lyubomirsky explains this in her great book The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want, but also lists and explains twelve “happiness activities” that have been scientifically proven to boost our happiness. How cool is that? There are things you can do today that, without question, will positively impact your happiness. I won’t list all twelve here, but here are a few that I think will resonate with you immediately. One is expressing gratitude. Simply thinking about, and/or writing down, things you are truly grateful for raises your level of happiness. Overthinking and continuing to make social comparisons will shatter your happiness, so avoiding these things will help elevate it. Practicing acts of kindness increases happiness, too (duh!). Helping others, going out of your way for others, and working to make life better for others is a proven way to turbocharge your happiness. Her twelfth happiness activity is to care for your body. It’s been long known that exercise is more powerful than antidepressants in terms of reducing even severe depression long-term.
There are many activities that are simple, and often free, to help us attain the one thing we all long for… more happiness. It would be wise to take inventory of the things you are currently doing with the thought that those things will make you happy, but simply aren’t. If you continue to do the same things over and over, thinking they will eventually make you happy, it’s time to change those things. Put your time and energy into proven methods of improved happiness.
We are at all-time low in terms of happiness and satisfaction, and an all-time high in terms of depression, loneliness, and even suicides. No matter where you fall on the spectrum of happiness, commit to moving the needle higher. It is possible. It is worth it. And you are worth it. Start asking what really makes you happy.