Some of the hardest words to speak are it’s my fault. It is human nature to make excuses, point fingers at others, and blame anything we can for our shortcomings and failures. Maybe you weren’t given the correct information, or had bad parents, or grew up in the wrong neighborhood, or (my favorite) got bad genes.
One of the fastest ways to increased success, greater happiness, and a more fulfilling life is to take responsibility for everything in your life… full responsibility. This means that no matter what has happened to you, you accept it, own it, and move forward. This includes the bad things that the universe has dumped on you, past and current circumstances, and the mistakes you have made.
To be clear, I am not saying that you blame yourself for things that were truly not your fault or for bad things that others have done to you. I’m saying to accept those things for what they are, don’t use them as an excuse, and move beyond those things.
I feel the blood pressure rising in some of you, thinking I don’t know how bad your story really is. Again, I don’t want to minimize any tragedy, but we’ve all read stories of very bad stuff happening to good people, yet those people surviving. And the best stories are when those people not only survive, they thrive.
Look up Oprah Winfrey’s story. Or Woody Harrelson (His father was a hitman/murderer). Or Charlize Theron (Her mother shot her father). Or Dylan McDermott (his mother was shot by her boyfriend when he was five years old). Or Curtis James Jackson, a.k.a. 50 Cent, (His drug dealer mother was murdered when he was only eight years old. He became a drug dealer, was in and out of jail, and was shot nine times).
We can easily use our circumstances or past troubles as an excuse to go off the rails, or as a reason why we can’t do this, or didn’t do that. But those are just stories. They become excuses. At best they stifle us, at worst they paralyze us.
Deflecting responsibility is nowhere more rampant than in health and wellness. You could tell me all the reasons why you are overweight, out of shape, or lead an unhealthy lifestyle. You are busy. Healthier foods cost more. The gym hours aren’t conducive to your schedule. Your too old. Or (back to my favorite) you have bad genes. The reality of the situation is that we make poor lifestyle choices. We tell ourselves we are too busy, yet find time to binge watch a series on Netflix. And we order the French fries even though there is broccoli on the menu. Simply put, we like to shift the blame for all our shortcomings on something or someone else.
The moment you realize that life doesn’t happen to you, but happens within you, is the moment your life’s direction changes for the better. Taking responsibility for everything in your life puts you back in control of the direction it is heading. While you’ll never be able to control everything that happens to you, you can certainly control your response to what happens to you.
It’s not easy to take full responsibility for everything in your life. It’s hard! But as hard as it is, it’s a lot harder to live a life full of anger, frustration, guilt, and grief. This is your life. You have the ability to change it, but it likely will start with replacing the blame with full responsibility.