We often do not have control over the difficulties we encounter throughout our lives. Something bad will happen, or something happens that we are unhappy about, and we are left standing there in disbelief. The situation often leaves us complaining about what has just occurred.
Here’s the problem… complaining gets us nowhere! When things don’t go our way, or we are faced with a very tough situation, there is one thing that I have found to be very helpful before moving forward. I catch myself saying this phrase to myself, and to my children more and more, as it helps to minimize the complaining and allows me to focus my energy on finding a solution. These words are… It Is What It Is.
This phrase does not fix anything, is not meant to minimize the bigness or severity of a situation, and shouldn’t cause offense. It is merely a reminder that regardless of what I think about something, how I feel about something, or how rocked I am about something, the situation is what it is.
I remember a time when my son was complaining about a test that he had to take. I let him rant about it for a bit. He talked about how stupid the material was and how useless it would be in life. He continued to complain, adding how the teacher wasn’t teaching the material well. Then he added that the class itself was a waste of time and how he would never use what was being taught. I stood there listening for a while, nodding my head indicating I was hearing what he said. After several minutes, I finally spoke. I told him that the class was not a waste of time, the teacher was probably doing a good job, and that the material was not useless, BUT, even if what he was saying and thought was true, and even if I fully agreed with him… he still had that test the next day. He had to take that test; therefore, he had to start studying. I told him that regardless of what he thought, and whether he was correct or not, he had that test the next day and he had to take it. It was what it was!
I have written and spoken in the past about the Stockdale Paradox. Admiral Jim Stockdale was the highest-ranking U.S. officer in the Vietnam War to be held a prisoner of war. He was held and tortured for eight years. When asked how he survived, he stated that he never gave up and had faith that he would get out and see his family, however, he did not minimize his current state of affairs. He said, basically, you have to see your situation for what it actually is. He said, “You must… confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” The paradox is that you must remain hopeful, but not minimize your current circumstances.
Can you think of things that you regularly complain about, yet still have to deal with? You could save yourself a lot of time and energy by simply stating those words… It Is What It Is… and then getting on with taking action to move forward.
Many people love to say life isn’t fair. I’ve had experiences in my life when I could easily agree with those words. And yes, life certainly isn’t always fair. In fact, there are times life is downright ruthless. But no matter what happens, how it happens, or why it happened, it is what it is!
We have a wooden block sitting in our kitchen with the words “It Is What It Is.” Just a reminder for us and our kids. (It is the block you can see in the image we used for this blog.)
