Like superhero powers, social media can be used for good or for evil. Social media has altered our social interactions and relationships radically and rapidly. And many do not even notice the alterations that have occurred, and are occurring, in how we are functioning, communicating, and relating with other human beings.
A lot of attention has been given to how many online “friends” we have, how many “followers” we can acquire, or how many “likes” we can get. Quickly slipping away are the intimate, personal, and meaningful interactions that once defined human relationships. You can have hundreds, even thousands, of online followers, but remain isolated, feeling lonely and disconnected.
If a storm is big enough, it will blow trees down. After these big storms you will notice that pine trees tend to get blown over easier than other trees. The reason is the roots. The roots of pine trees run wide, but stay shallow. Other tree roots run deeper. Turns out that deeper roots are stronger, hold up better, and can withstand more pressure than roots that run wide. So, in the midst of stronger winds, pine trees just can’t hold up like other trees.
We are living in a society now where people are striving for width, but not depth. Emphasis is put on quantity of so-called relationships, but not the quality. It’s connection that we crave, but no matter how many online friends one has, they are often left feeling lonely and unfulfilled. These fake relationships are like low-quality foods. Eating foods that are low in nutrients (such as highly processed foods that make up most of our grocery stores) gives us a feeling of fullness that is short-lived, leading to continued hunger. As we eat more and more food, we pack on more and more fat, without providing the quality building blocks that our bodies need to function optimally. These low-quality, nutrient-deficient foods provide width in terms of calories consumed, but lack the depth provided by the whole, real foods we were designed to consume.
Think about depth versus width in any area of life. The most successful people do not dabble in a bunch of areas, but focus on one. They don’t just have a moderate understanding of the field they are in, but have taken the deepest of dives into that area. If you hold a magnifying glass over a piece of paper, it can be positioned to provide a wide circle of low light, or retracted to concentrate those beams into a much smaller, but brighter circle. The wider the circle, the less powerful the light. The more concentrated those rays of light, the more powerful they become, ultimately having enough power to light that paper on fire.
New studies show that 1 in 3 Americans feel loneliness on a regular basis, with 1 in 10 feeling loneliness every day. Our busy schedules, increase in working remotely from home, and increased addiction to social media is keeping us from creating, building, and maintain the robust social connections that human require. We are pack animals. We have thrived because of our tribal past. We do better in the presence of one another, not just exchanging words and selfies, but looks, facial expressions, sounds, and touch. And no matter how good and easy our digital life gets, that shallow connection can never fill us up.
I would take one high-quality, deep, meaningful friendship over ten thousand online followers. Seeking depth in our relationships will give us the connection, trust, love, and fulfillment that we long for. Start putting time, effort, and energy into cultivating those kinds of relationships. Shift your social media time to social engagement. Go for deep… not wide.
