There is a story in Gilda Radner’s book, It’s Always Something, about her housekeeper’s cousin’s dog. The dog was pregnant and playing in the yard when it was struck by the lawnmower, and both back legs were cut off. They rushed it to the vet and were told that it could be put to sleep or sewn up. They were told that the puppies were okay and that she would be able to deliver them. They chose to keep her alive. Over the next week, the dog learned how to walk, taking two steps with her front legs and flipping up her backside. She gave birth to six healthy puppies, nursed them, and weaned them. When the puppies learned to walk, they walked just like the mother… taking two steps with their front legs and flipping up their backside.
When I read this story many years ago, it was burned into my consciousness how powerful our actions are. People listen to what they are told, but they watch much more intently. This is most true when it comes to children. They will listen to what you say, but they will mimic what they see.
We often pick up beliefs, behaviors, and even mannerisms, from the people we are around most. Have you ever heard someone say, “You sounded just like your mother (or father)”? Well, despite your cringing, they were probably correct. We tend to emulate those we are around the most, therefore, kids end up being a lot like their parents.
I believe the greatest influence you’ll ever have over others is to consistently behave in the way you would like them to behave. Leaders do not lead by words alone, they lead with their actions. Watch the scene from the movie Braveheart, titled “The Battle of Stirling,” and you will see William Wallace not just leading his men into battle, but physically outrunning them as they charge forward.
One of the things I value most from my father is that he didn’t just tell me what to do or not to do, but acted with integrity, honesty, and hard work day in and day out. My fathering skills were not taught to me verbally, they were taught to me through osmosis by being around him throughout my whole childhood. There’s a great poem called Little Eyes Upon You (Google it), that sums up this idea perfectly.
Whether you’re a parent, a supervisor, a business owner, a teacher, or a coach, leading by example is the best form of leadership you can provide. Your actions must be congruent with the lessons you want to teach. It always amazes me when a supervisor or manager complains about the very things that they do themselves. They want everyone to show up on time, yet are late themselves. Or a coach emphasizing integrity and honesty, yet bends the rules himself/herself to win. My personal favorite was me smacking my son’s hand when he was little and telling him that it’s not acceptable to hit others. Confusing message, eh?
This world needs better leaders. Our communities need true leaders. Our healthcare system desperately needs better leaders. And our families need better leaders.
If the story above that came from Gilda Radner taught me anything, it is that my children will do what they see every day. I can tell them whatever I want, and I can say it as many times as I want, but if my own actions contradict what I am trying to teach, then what I say will have very little influence. Those puppies learned to walk by watching their mother. They walked exactly the way she walked. The people around you are looking for guidance and leadership. The people around you need better leaders. Make sure your actions are consistent with the message you want to send to those around you. No one cares about what you say nearly as much as they care about how you act.
